Tending the Threshold
Personal, community, planetary
I read a quote yesterday from Barbara Kingsolver, “There is no perfect time to write. There’s only now.”
So succinct, yet it perfectly captures the essence of writing. It reminds me of something I’ve read before, something like, ‘the best time to do [x] was yesterday, and the second best time, now.’ It sounds a little cliche but is also true. A few months ago, I heard a creative coach say that there is no such thing as ‘writer’s block’ or ‘musician’s block,’ — implying that we don’t wait until we have an inspiration to strike, but we write to court the muse (inspiration). We make an appointment with her and we show up.
I’ve been wanting to write for a while now, simultaneously feeling like I ‘owed’ my subscribers “an update",” and also feeling doubt around ‘who reads this thing anyway?” I’ve received several warm regards to my writing, and each time I hear someone being influenced by my writing or my random Instagram/Facebook reels I’ve been posting, I light up a little. The forever artist struggle is - simultaneously staying true to oneself - and - finding a ‘market’ or demand for the art.
Once I write, I let go of the writing, and let you experience it.
As part of my MS in Counseling Psychology (MFT, Marriage and Family Therapy) program, we have these ‘Microcounseling’ classes where we practice Counseling with each other. I really freaked out after the last class finished — because now we go into the real world — where we start our practicum after this semester finishes in May or June, and begin seeing real clients. (Speaking up which, I just remembered that I have a paper due this Saturday to reflect on the class). I came home after the practice sessions, filled with doubt. Do I really want to be a therapist? Practicum sites usually pay very little to nothing at all, and Associate therapists (what we are after we graduate) also get paid very little. I quickly realized that the doubt I had about being/becoming a therapist is doubt in myself. This realization helped me quite a lot, as I am reminded from Lynda, my energy teacher, that “you are here to live your dream.” “Everything that is not you, does not belong in your body. Dissolve it, smudge it, send it away, vacuum it up, put it in an incinerator, give it to the earth..” She instructs, in her Basics meditation.
From a quantum physics perspective, time and space are not real. Everything is all happening at the same time. We came into these bodies to live our dream. We dreamed ourselves here.
Today, my mom received a letter that I wrote to myself ten years ago — as a Sophomore in Wharton, a nineteen year old, she said, “Chuhan, when you are evaluating your life to determine what you would like to change, resist peer pressure and always stay true to your heart.”
Change is hard and takes a long time. But don’t let that discourage you. Because I know you are not someone who backs out because something is hard. Persist, be patient, and don’t take shortcuts. — Love, Chuhan, Dec-7-2015
I think she had some real wisdom for me, and I think she would be proud of me.
You have worked really hard to get yourself to where you are Chuhan. I am proud of you too. — 29 year old me to 19 year old me :)
Bonus content below: second page of the letter
Stay true to your heart